Welcome to Gail’s Monthly Three; a short monthly list of my three favorite links from around the web for your Friday.  Enjoy!

1.)  Is helicopter parenting your teen worse than you think?  

2.  Cute and hilarious dog fetch fails…just because it’s the weekend!

3.  Free yourself from the chains of housework drudgery with these four unbreakable rules. 

Happy Friday, friends! 

It’s probably no surprise to find out you’re giving away something.  I’ll bet you’ve been lectured several times on what you should be giving away.

The lecture may sound something like: “You’ve never used any of that stuff you ordered on Amazon, why don’t you just get rid of it, what are you saving it for?  Or “Why did you even order it if you weren’t going to use it?”

It might surprise you to find out that today I’m not talking about giving away material possessions…or even money or time.  

Feel free to hit your forehead with your hand and call this a face-palm moment.   Here goes:

You’re giving away, your joy!  Without even being aware of it, you’re giving away TONS of joy on a daily basis.  When you’re feeling beat down, burned out, worried, overwhelmed and you don’t know where to go or what to do and you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired (Shew! Even writing that out makes me feel like I’m stuck – and I’ll bet you feel it too!), it’s a classic pattern of being stuck in the vicious cycle of giving away your joy!

Let me explain why keeping some of your joy for yourself is helpful:   

When you make slight shifts in what you do, your mood increases.  You get a bump in motivation, which leads to an increase in more motivation!  The best part is that by making some minor shifts in what you do, you can have more motivation and keep your joy.

How can you limit giving away all of your joy?

First, become of aware of it!   Second, ask a friend or someone who can support you in your desire to regain yourself.  Next, and most importantly, make a list of three things that you really enjoy doing.  I mean really enjoy.  It’s time to make a plan to engage in your own life activities for the sake of feeling more joyful.

It’s helpful to list three things you enjoy doing that are within your ability and means to do quickly. Give yourself permission to do these three things within ten days.

Here are some practical, easy examples of things you could try: 

Spend time with friends!  Reconnect with former friends, meet new friend and get back on track to see your family. Call, video chat, send emails or good old fashion cards and letters through the mail. There is still something very special about seeing a hand written card or letter in the mailbox. That never gets old!    

Schedule regular down time with your spouse or significant other.  Schedule it a half hour two times a week. What I’m talking about here is simple.  Schedule this for an at-home get together.  Get up a little early or have the kids play in another room, or have family or friends watch kids for these half hours while you and your honey just chill.

Get out! Run errands by yourself for an hour, two times a week.  Go out for coffee two or three times a week either alone or with a friend.  This coffee break needs to last for at least 45 minutes.  You need it to recharge. Not just for the caffeine in the coffee, but for yourself and the relationship that you have with your friend who came along.  

It’s the simple things that tug at us every day.  We can become confused with figuring out the difference between what we ENJOY and what brings us JOY and how we GIVE and RECEIVE JOY.  All the motivational posters and quotes in the world can’t make you stop and course correct.  Only you can stop giving away all your joy.  

It’s not about not giving.  Give.  Give with openness.   But also remember that this is about balance and helping you to receive too.  By taking care of you and allowing yourself to be cared for, you’re opening yourself up for joy and fulfillment.  

Hopefully after reading this you have a little more inspiration and hope that it can be done!

A few days ago I was headed to an appointment that I was almost late for.  Distracted and in a hurry on the freeway, I accidentally  cut someone off changing lanes.  The other driver made his disapproval known…a few times with yelling and hand gestures (that intense anger is a story for another blog).  I wish I had driver-to-driver instant messaging!  I’d send him a telepathic message:  “I’m so sorry!  I didn’t see you there!  I am distracted and running late …it’s nothing personal and I apologize for scaring you!”    

A concept I find myself talking about often in my practice is taking things personally.  If we can learn to stop in a situation and assess negative messages  for what they are instead of taking them personally, we can save ourselves a lot of unnecessary  painful emotions!  

Here are my five tips to help you know it’s not personal:  

1.)  Context: When we are taking something personally, it’s  because we are viewing ourselves as being personally targeted.  In reality, most of the time we are not the target. Something has occurred with your spouse, friend, coworker or a driver on the road and it’s a combination of factors that make people react the way they do.  These could be as complex as childhood experiences or as simple as a misinterpretation of your actions. 

2.) Try to Understand the Other Person:   We don’t always have the luxury of knowing everything about someone’s  life, but a little compassion goes  a long way.  We are all capable of doing ugly things when we’re hurting or scared.  There are many things that may have caused that driver to react fiercely to me cutting him off.  I always go back to this quote by Plato:  “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”  

3.)  You’re Probably Not Alone: Odds are someone who is imbalanced and behaving in ways that are negative is doing it to other people too!  If you can, observe their behavior around others.  It’s likely the action is being repeated towards others, not just you. 

4.) Accept Your Own Sensitive Side: It’s okay if you’re sensitive. Many people are. You could fall into the spectrum of being Highly Sensitive.  That’s okay too!  Just know that things will hit you harder than someone else and you might have to work a little harder at accepting that you are not the reason why someone is acting so poorly towards you.  They could be having a bad dad, difficult times, the list goes on and on.  You just happen to be in the path of their personal tornado.  

5.) Address the Past:  When we can look at ourselves, identify past wounds, and focus on resolving our pain , we are less vulnerable to be so easily hurt by others.  

Next time you find yourself in a situation when you are tempted to take someone’s actions to heart, remember these five simple tips.  Most of the time it’s not personal!