It’s a good time to ask “Does It Matter?” when you are about to have a conversation with someone who is important to you and you are feeling strong emotions, confusion or anger. And maybe, just maybe, there might be strong emotions coming from the other person towards you too. In that case, “Does It Matter” if we have this conversation now, or could we do it later when we’re less anxious, less mad? Would it be easier to have a chat when we’re not overwhelmed and can really listen to what our partner has to say? Yes, that would matter. So we ask this question to determine what the best next step is and to help us put things in perspective.
I imagine there are limitless examples of questions for “Does It Matter?” I’ve picked a few below because they are interesting. If you ask them of yourself, your partner, a family member or even a very close friend, I suspect you’ll find the answers worthwhile.
Oh I can hear it now. The grumblings of asking a question that has the potential to be answered simply with a “yes” or “no”. Such as, “Does it matter when I’m hurting?” Along with “Does it matter when you are hurting?”
I suppose any of us when frustrated or hurting could answer either of those questions with a quick or angry toned “yes” or “no”. Does that mean the conversation is over? No, that’s not what it means. It means finding out “Does It Matter?” is important. Most of the time additional feelings and thoughts are offered without much prompting. Sometimes too much emotion is shared in the heat of the moment when an argument is happening. Other times not enough. Answers can come from continued conversation once we’re in a position to listen and respond respectfully.
“Does it matter if I eat chocolate every day”? (This is a bonus “Does It Matter” question because the answer is so simple.) Yes it matters if I eat chocolate every day. I’ve given chocolate (in small amounts) the same status as my everyday vitamin. So yes for me, it matters. It’s important to me and makes me feel happy!
All joking aside, here are some more thoughtful examples!
“Does it matter where I’m going?” - “Does it matter where you’re going?”
“Does it matter when I’m hurting?” - “Does it matter when you’re hurting?”
“Does it matter how I listen?” - “Does it matter how you listen?”
“Does it matter who I am?” - “Does it matter who you are?”
“Does it matter what I said?” - “Does it matter what you said?”
“Does it matter when I first loved you?” - “Does it matter when you first loved me?”
“Does it matter how I treat you?” - “Does it matter how you treat me?”
Go ahead and try them out. It’s January 2015, the new year has just begun.
Come up with your own “Does It Matter” questions. I’ll share next time in “Does It Matter” Part 2, “Questions that Really Don’t Matter.” Yes, seriously, there are some things you just don’t need to spend a lot of time and energy on because, really, really they don’t matter. Stay tuned!